Nexus Awakened (An Isekai LitRPG Gender Bender Story)

853. Towards The Star Within Oneself

“Cer. What do you see yourself as?”

 

A twinkle of light appeared in Cer’s eyes. She shook her head inches away from submerging her face into the mirror version of herself. Her hair disturbed the reflection, distorting it heavily as she slowly picked herself back up.

“As if I’d tell you.” She spat, grinning. “Elysia. You don’t know what I want. You’re only fishing for a solution. It won’t solve the root of my problem. It’ll only break me. Salvation… doesn’t come like this.”

Cer pulled away from Elysia’ parasol and walked into the light.

There, standing an equal distance away from where Elysia stood, was a version of Frost with golden-white hair. It was long and radiant like the sun. She was the only reason why the other half of the world was illuminated by such an incandescent, pure light.

Her dress, unlike Elysia, was ominously dark. It was a frilly, layered dress that perfectly hovered above the waters. Layers of white stripes were woven between the darkness. Symbols of complicated diagrams were also etched into her dress.

Lastly, a hairpin shaped like a golden apple clipped her bangs to the side.

The sound of chirping birds accompanied her presence.

She smiled at Cer, her eyes remaining sealed just like Elysia. But it wasn’t a smile that told her that everything would be ok. It was one that understood her hardship, and that to overcome it would mean enduring even more tribulations.

“Solving Raoul will not be easy. Neither will chasing him.”

Her voice was nothing short of mesmerizing. It carried hypnotic quality. Almost motherly. But it was firm, like that of a stern but caring teacher.

“I don’t intend to follow in his path.” Cer admitted, gazing into her reflection in the light-filled waters.

There, she saw a version of herself that adorned a black sword. It was identical to the one Raoul wore. Not only that, but she wore a trio of scarves just like him.

“Nor… do I intend to become like him. Is this my ego? What I wanted all along?”

“What you see is what your Ego desires.”

 

“But it is not necessarily what your Self needs.”

 

“Internally, there is a core part of your Ego that yearned to follow in his steps to reach his heights.”

“Mmn… Yeah. There always was. Raoul was my role model. He was everything I aspired to become.” Cer admitted.

She saw the same little Cer walking behind Raoul. That same, little Cer grew older, and eventually, she carried the same weapons and the same nihilistic air as Raoul. It was a Cer that could not express herself properly.

A Cer that had walked a path that stripped her of everything that made her Cer.

“I thought you were the good one.” Cer could not help but smile.

The radiant Frost tilted her head slightly as her eyes parted slightly to reveal a pair of breathtaking, golden eyes.

“I’m here to offer you a way to achieve what your Ego desires.”

“Whether it is good or bad is not reflective of my sense of morality or lack thereof.”

“When a wound opens, does a Healer’s magic discriminate between the innocent and the guilty?”

“Cer. What I offer you is a way to crystalize your Ego. To fight for what you deserve.”

“I will not be easy.”

 

“Nor will it be painless.”

 

“That is the road that this ‘Cer’ will take.”

Cer felt like she was talking to the real Frost. The advice she gave her, and the way she spoke wasn’t like Elysia who tried to gaslight her. It was an offer accompanied by the terms and conditions.

“Light… ought to show everything. The good and the ugly, huh.” Cer noted.

It was as she said. Frost, perhaps because of her existence as a being representing the ‘light’, did not hide anything from Cer. Unlike Elysia and the darkness of the Corruption that concealed important ramifications of their decisions.

Then again, Cer was not an ordinary person.

She had the ability to think for herself in this place. The desperate and despaired would see either of them as their last resort… as the ‘truth’ of who and what they were.

Frost raised a hand, offering for Cer to take it.

Cer walked in her direction.

And then…

“I said it before, Frost.”

… she walked past her, much to the surprise of the radiant Frost.

“I won’t be taking anyone’s hand to reach where I’m headed.”

But she didn’t wear a face of indifference or mourning, like Elysia. Rather, her eyes widened before mellowing. It was hard to tell if the smile on her face was of relief or a smile of regret.

Either way, it did not change that she smiled.

“Even though you have nothing?”

“I have myself… I’m still alive, aren’t I? I’ve been living chasing the moon and a star my entire life that I never stopped to think about what I needed. My sisters, Raoul, and even you Frost… you were always so far out of reach.”

She left Frost and Elysia behind and walked through the twilight boundary that split the world in two. The path she had chosen was one of darkness and light. She didn’t know where it would take her, but she knew, deep down, that it would at least take her somewhere away from Elysia and Frost.

This was the path she had chosen, and her heart throbbed with newfound life like a compass trying to keep her on course.

Cer had always only wanted one thing.

The speed to reach the others. That way, she would be able to stand beside them. But what did she need? Speed. Wasn’t that the answer? Cer believed it was. However, speed alone wouldn’t solve the root of her problem.

It was her Ego’s desire to take after Raoul, and her Shadow that yearned for his attention and to reach where the others were.

What Cer needed, in the end, was not to stop there but to go even further.

“It was so simple. You stupid, dumb mutt…”

Cer looked up beyond the clouds of light and darkness, and there, she saw the light of a childishly drawn star. She had seen that star before.

It was from Asterism, when Frost fought against the Heart of Ours.

“You were a Star Raoul… I was always a little wolf chasing a moon and you, my star. I think it’s time that I stopped limiting myself to just your heights and start looking for a place of my own up there.”

Cer, the Moon of the Nexus, followed that star and reached out towards it. The little faint glimmer of a crudely drawn star was an icon of hope.

That light seemed to grow closer as her clothing groaned suddenly. It felt tighter, and the sleeves on her wrists shrunk half-way down her forearm.

“Mmn. The one thing that I can do. The moon I watched with mother always blocked out the stars. The stars I saw in the skies were always you, Raoul.”

It was so close. The light seemed to be within her grasp.

injuries healed suddenly, and she found herself jogging.

Eventually, she began to sprint towards the light.

All in the hopes of becoming her own star, so that if there was anyone that she had to chase –

“I don’t need it anymore. I just have to keep on running. Running – until I reach the light of my own Star!”

– then it would be herself!

Reality shattered around her, and before she knew it, she disappeared from this world. Silence befell the world as shards continued to break. The many possibilities of millions of Cers shattered beneath both Elysia and Frost.

Elysia gazed precisely where Cer had disappeared with half-lidded eyes and an indecipherable expression. Frost on the other hand, smiled before sighing with a cute puff.

“Isn’t it better that’s it like this?” She said.

“Self-determination is dangerous.” Elysia immediately answered with a dangerous tone.

“Aren’t you basing it on your experiences with it? Your Shattering gave the Light to everyone in this world, after all.”

“An introduction of this variant is unnatural.”

“But it was bound to happen. Why can’t you admit that you’re interested in the possibilities this opens?”

“Because I know what people will do to take it away from you. The level limits exist for a reason. Pray that your Original takes care of her.” Elysia scolded.

“I have faith in her.” Frost hummed. Her eyes narrowed suddenly as she held both hands behind her back and announced: “The Pale Horseman.”

A look of dissatisfaction appeared on Elysia’s face. Her body began to morph, revealing a version of Elysia that wore dark-steel armor. The way the light reflected off her armor appeared like the bones of a skeleton.

Her tail stood above her and was curved like a giant scythe. This Elysia’s hair was cut short much like Frosts, and her hair was both black and white.

“To think her Will is powerful enough to have a consciousness of its own. When did you realize it?” The Pale Horseman of Elysia asked, annoyed that this mere Will of Frost was more than just an echo of her Original.

“Elysia’s Will tends to be more persistent. She would’ve spoken the moment I opened my mouth. There’s been a lot, you know? A small deviation from the norm is suspicious.”

“It changes nothing. There is now another ‘light’ that’s available now. Then, there’s you.” Elysia didn’t elaborate further.

Her form was engulfed in a dark mist before disappearing.

“Oh! Wait, how is Elysia? Nevermind. I wouldn’t even be able to tell anyone if you told me, you know~” Frost sighed.

The world was on the verge of collapsing. It wasn’t a reason to be afraid. After all, she’d simply appear elsewhere once this internalized world of Cer’s mind disappeared.

“Hm… I wonder if Elysia herself sees it the same way as you do.”

Her voice was cut off by the infinite darkness of Cer’s shattered State of Mind.

Then, within the darkness, a spark of light appeared.

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